Sunday, 17 April 2011

Once Upon A December...

Once upon a time, on a fine day in the month of April (which could have just as easily been December, except for the fact that it wasn't), a group/gang/gaggle of intrepid explorers headed of into the murky waters of the Thames somewhere near Witney. More precisely, they were upon the Thames, in canoes. I was one of them. After 127 miles, a LOT of sugar and wearing out 5 of the menfolk, I arrived in Westminster with all of my limbs still attached. I am still in shock.

For those who have been clamouring for a blog post since January, I'm sure you will be glad to read my second rambling of the month, with any luck this one will be marginally more informative than the last. With some luck, it may also make more sense. Having abandoned ship and wrestled this post into my knickers in order to go to bed, I may have ceased writing at this point.

After all, tomorrow is another day, and thus I have returned to slave over a hot stove (computer) and produce a work of literary genius. Otherwise known as nonsense.

It has come to my attention that generally when I re-read those things what I has written (honest, guv'), I don't understand them. Perhaps that will be an encouragement to those of my readers who also don't understand. Almost certainly, there is no point to the things I am saying. To which I proclaim from the rooftops: all the more reason to keep writing.

Witney to Westminster, you say? Yes, it was marvellous. I died 37 times over the course of 6 days, but was revived sufficiently each time to keep paddling. I believe I have now adopted the new sport of 'sleep canoeing' which largely constitutes imaginary canoeing while you sleep. Which is probably at least as successful as imaginary canoeing whilst awake. I can't be certain, however, not having any memory of my excursions once I have woken up.

I am PROUD to announce that during our excursion I was one of a small group spreading joy among the masses through the power of art. Musical art, to be more specific. At some point I will add a moving video to illustrate the bare and honest beauty of the musical talents of an illustrious member of our team. You will be pleased to know that walking over three miles in wetsuit boots, to the point of blisters on the soles of my feet was a small price to pay that our company not be deprived of glorious fanfares on their day of victory. Paddling under Westminster Bridge would not have been the same without our musical accompaniment. And again I say: God Save The Queen. And Happy Birthday, Ruth.

Since then, things have happened.

One of these this might just have been Total Adventure Easter 2011. It is called Total Adventure Easter 2011 because it is totally adventurous and because it took place over Easter 2011. That might be a little misleading, because we were not, actually, being totally adventurous on Easter Sunday. In fact it was the Monday-Thursday prior to Easter. BUT still during the school Easter holidays. And that's good enough for me.

As the name implies, we had some adventures. Including a canoeing expedition (like a slice of cucumber after W2W), a bike ride, and an afternoon of walloping ourselves in the ear with little balls on strings. Due to there being only 6 participants for the week (well, 4 days), I PLAYED! I love playing. We carried eggs around in our hats and put Steve in a dress (not the first time, but he still looked just as dapper).

As I am related to the Williamson clan, I am required to include the BEST BIT. Which actually was astonishingly predictable, with the Big G coming in first by a sizeable margin. God was definitely faithful over the course of the week (yes, I know, only 4 days), and taught us some amazing things, about patience, harvesting and making war. Not quite all at the same time, but intertwined in a very clever fashion. Three cheers for the creator of the universe! Hear, hear! (And here).

And then there was a train and a ferry and a comfy bed, and the beach. Otherwise known as 'The Island'. Which sounds pretty ominous, but actually isn't. And the sun shone, and we remembered Jesus' death and resurrection (a.k.a. the most awesome thing that has happened EVER), and ate steak and lettuce by the sea.

I feel obliged to fill my readers in on all of the occurrences from beyond the beginning of time until the most distant point in the future that we can conceive. And because I don't like being told what to do, especially by myself, I shan't. Which means: sorry folks, you'll never know what I did between January and April this year, because I am more interested in my pillow and the leprechaun that just leapt out of my wardrobe.

Thursday, 7 April 2011

Oh where, oh where has my little dog gone? To LONDON, to visit the Queen!

Oops. I may be the most disgraceful can of earwigs this side of my left elbow. It turns out I haven't embraced the power and might of the Eternal Bloginator since JANUARY! I.e. a million years ago. Before I reached old age, in fact.

Since then, I have reached old age. I am past it, have lost my marbles and can no longer dress myself. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have now reached the grand old age of 22.

In other news, many things have happened.

And soon, many more things will happen.

For example, it is now only THREE DAYS until I gird my loins once and for all, and take on the appearance of an overweight gerbil. I will set forth into the unknown and will henceforth always be known as Archibald the Great. For those of you who are down with the kids, or at least somewhat resembling something sane, you will realise that this is a lie.

I am going to canoe to LONDON!! From WITNEY!! In case you were unsure, that is a LONG way. 127 miles, to be precise. It is possible that I will be wearing unusual clothing for some/most/all of the journey (although probably not a gerbil outfit, sadly, owing to the fact that I don't actually have one). And you can see the photographs here; they will be updated as we paddle.

I am going to be raising as much money as is humanly possible (because the bit about the gerbil was entirely untrue), and if you haven't already sponsored me then you can do that here! If you have, then I am forever in your debt, and I will repay you in whichever way you deem most appropriate. (Withstanding anything to do with baked beans or raw tomato. Or public humiliation. Probably.)

And seeing as half of my ear has just been permanently removed by my boss, a Monsieur Jean Valjean, I must depart and so some real work. Or something that convincingly resembles it.

Pip pip!