Have you ever seen a penguin come to tea?

Take a look at me; a penguin you will see.

I am currently a penguin for a number of reasons:

1.) Despite my abhorrence of all things cold, I seem to have taken up residence in the Antarctic.

2.) I am wearing a hat with a penguin on it because even the insides of houses in the Antarctic are cold.

3.) I spent all day today pretending to be Spiderman (in Antarctica) and now there are a few body parts which don't quite appreciate me as much as they did 12 hours ago.

Which, to some extent (in my warped mind), prompts the following question: have you ever been an Intrepid Explorer? Which largely seems to involve exploring things in an intre

pid manner. For example, on Tuesday (which coincidentally was supposed to be the coldest day of the week), I was an intrepid explorer. This was not entirely by choice, but as I am a well-behaved ostrich, I did as I was told. I was told to go kayaking and canoeing. In the snow and sub-zero temperatures. Now I don't know about you, but given the choice of say, staying inside in a nice warm office, or paddling around a pond, I would generally choose the pond. When the temperature is -5, occasionally I would prefer not to be an intrepid explorer. I realise that this is an unusual choice of mine, but sadly I am not always man enough for the Great Outdoors, and I have rare moments (i.e. most days between November and February) when I would rather not get frostbite. Fortunately, we weren't asked to do any rescuing in the pond in the freezing cold, and as a result I only lost two fingers to frostbite instead of the lot. I have them in a jar by my bed if anyone is interested in paying them a visit.

Other recent excitements have included tricky trail training and a bike ride with the lovely Jonny and Josh. Tricky trail may be one of the most exciting pieces of kit we own, as it is basically a playground for bikes, and a chance to relive my childhood. It also involved taking out a wooden pole with my face for added excitement. This wasn't especially comfortable,

and as a result I may not do it again. However, it did prove one very important thing: that I was cycling with gusto and a dishwasher tablet. In the afternoon we headed out into the wilderne

ss (the other side of Witney) for a bike ride/reconnoitre which included shouting at golfers and the occasional buffalo.

And, most importantly, today we went CLIMBINGCLIMBINGCLIMBING! At Oxford Brookes climbing centre thingum. I may no longer own hands, and my legs don't seem to do what I ask them to, but it was definitely worth it. The highlight of the day might have involved crash mats and rugby tackling, but the climbing was also splendiferous, if a little frustrating at times!

And of course there have been other exploits which have not been recorded, but that does not make them any less important. I just can't remember what any of them are at present. I

'm pretty sure they involved wolves and teapots, though.

Toodleoo, I must depart to shave my gerbil.