Monday, 8 September 2008

Escapades with the Hamburgese...

Ok, so I haven't written anything since leaving the country. For a year. Crazy. So anyway, I left Billy Shakespeare-land for the Hills of the North a.k.a. Hamburger-a-gogo-land (for the uneducated amongst you, that is the USA). Opposite is a pic of where I live by the way, it is unreal. Soooooooo pretty.

Fun and larks were had along the way, including my eating an entire pig--albeit in two halves--in a single day. What can I say, these foreign loons, along with their obsession with undergarments, like to eat. A lot. No really, it is ridiculous and I may have gained three stone since being here. I feel like a whale already. It is FANTASTIC.

I am certainly enjoying my newfound status as a 'Senior', i.e. a fourth year student, which is somewhat comical to inform people of, as they look at me closely, and say: 'really?' It is always encouraging when people think you look about four years younger than you are. I am sure I will appreciate it more when I am fourty. Lets hope.

I have not as yet picked up any of these ridiculous words that the Hamburgese persist in using, but am greatly enjoying the many comments about the hills being alive with the sound of PANTS etc etc. I am sure you have no idea what I am talking about, but lets just say that it still takes me a minute to realise that the loons are in fact speaking about TROUSERS. Yes, those things that you wear to maintain dignity in public. Such exhibitionists.

I am taking a while to adjust to the feminist attitudes, and the male students who are allowed to graduate from an all-women's college as they were female when they enrolled. Moreover it is interesting to see photographs of girls wearing only their underwear displayed with great pride on their bedroom doors. It seems I have many things to get used to. I am understanding the need to exclaim about O'Reilly's pantyhose once in a while, but don't think I shall ever get used to the word 'panties'. There is something indescribably vulgar about it. I shan't do it.

I realise that my nonsensical ramblings are going on and on, and I apologise to anyone who is reading this expecting to come across:

a) something that makes sense

b) something of actual value/substance.

Just for the record, you won't find it here.

It is pretty, pretty, pretty, and I am dreadfully excited about 'Boston in the Fall' and all those malarkies, some of the leaves have abandoned their environmentally-conscious brothers and turned their backs on the valleys of the green etc, and are blushing profusely in the insane heat and humidity. And I still don't have a fan and thus may die from all this heat. If that is the case, I apologise to anyone who may be inconvenienced, and I hasten to add that it will, sadly, mean the end of my bizarre and nonsensical ramblings here.

My achievements thus can be listed in importance from one to ten (ok, so they're not all achievements, but I didn't know what else to call them):

1.) I have a fridge in my bedroom. It is super-cool (apologies for the awful pun) and I have put my 6 remaining bars of real chocolate in it.

2.) I have a bruise on my leg the size of my face from simply falling over. This is particularly exciting as I never bruise, and although the majority of this bruise is invisible there is a lump and it hurts when I stamp my foot. Cool, huh?

3.) I am no longer qualified to sing the refrain 'I've never been to Boston in the Fall' from the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything (Vegetales). I have, in fact, been to Boston in the Fall. What larks.

4.) I have played rugby. With a ball. And it was amazing.

5.) I managed to break my bed (deliberately) and re-attach the legs so that it now stands at about 4 feet tall and I have to jump to get into it.

6.) I auditioned my way into a choir with a song I have sung probably not more than three times before. Blagging is always the way forward.

7.) I wore a bib in a restaurant for most of the meal (I turned it into a wimple and then a do-rag for the remainder of the meal).

8.) The showers here ressemble something out of a space station. They are little moulded plastic pods inserted into the wall. With strange hand-rails.

9.) I went to Church and we held hands in a circle and sang. Bizarre, but strangely nice.

10.) I climbed half a 'mountain' in under half an hour. It turns out that the term 'mountain' is applied much more loosely here. It was, in fact, a small hill, but I still would like to claim the achievement of climbing a mountain up the 'difficult trail'.

And now I shall leave and simultaneously remove my foot from the drawer which it has managed to wedge itself in without my noticing.

Au revoir loons, until next time.

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